Tuesday, December 4, 2012

yet another tunnel..

and no light in sight...
who makes them, effing tunnels anyways..

too much drama to handle.
feeling alone, lost, clueless and shit scared..  again.
will this madness ever end?

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Diwali bumper offer

Looong loooong ago, one evening, at the onset of winter in the capital of Kerala, a little girl, all of 14, was busy bursting the crackers at the terrace of her new home. Her father was not at home, and she, with all her early teenage enthu and super hi energy levels decided to have the time of her life bursting crackers like crazy. left, right, and centre. Kerala being a Diwali-unfriendly place, and her's being the sole home around with a Chennai (hence extended to Diwali) connection, the neighbors were just as busy cursing her through their collective teeth. BANG! A flowerpot which was supposed to break into colorful fireworks turned out to have the heart of a Diwali bomb within. It burst, and burnt her palm very badly.

That was the Diwali of 1993. Many a Diwali went by, and it was quite a while later that I started noticing a pattern.. Diwali brought me gifts. Diwali is my personal Santa Claus! wow! Ok, sometimes Diwali misses the bus (in lieu of KSRTC bus strikes I presume), but most of the times I get my gifts alright. Though they don't come packed in glossy wrappers and left thoughtfully under a fancy Christmas tree. Mine come in the form of a travel ticket, mostly. A change of scene. The triggers vary. For instance,

The decision to move to Bangalore, and a box of assorted experiences in the land of  'swalpa adjust maadi', which literally transformed the naive me.

The offer letter from Quark in Chandigarh in my inbox, which got me all excited about the sarson ke khet I've seen in DDLJ. Too bad I never got to sing songs and do balle balle in those fields, but I had 1st hand experience of big time office politics and myth busters like the great Punjabi hospitality (pfft..). On the upside, I rented an apartment on my own, started cooking my own food, made a bunch of friends who are such sweethearts, and simply put, kick started a brand new life.

The offer letter from Sun Microsystems in Bangalore in my inbox by the next Diwali, which had me jumping all over the place. The Sis joined me there right after school which made it all the more sweet. 

A short notice from the landlord to vacate the place in a month's time, which led us (the Sis and me) to move into a much better place, and a better life.

The next few Diwalis were pretty much nondescript. Life during that phase was a running through rough weather as well.. and then a couple of years back, I got a post-dated Diwali gift. I got my ticket to get back to school. IIT Madras happened. 

By the next Diwali, I was almost at the brink of calling it quits, but I had nothing better to do with myself anyways, so I decided to hang on, and see where it goes. Quitting was a false 'gift alarm' of moving to some other place. Because, a month later I  got my tickets to go spend a month in the beautiful Thailand, with family at the Sis' superawesome new pad. Life has been upbeat since then. Good grades, a neat 2 months in Bangalore again for internship followed by a couple of weeks in Bangkok again, more shopping, and back to school for even better grades. Tadaa!!

This Diwali, my gift says that I'll be spending the first half of next year in Europe! I am going to Germany on a student exchange program for 4 months, which will be followed by the much awaited Eurotrip. I'm so excited that in spite of the whole gamut of bureaucracy, paperwork, money transfers (it's self financed), the end semester presentations, exams AND the pressure of Placements happening in a couple of week's time, I'm busy google-ing about my new abode. 

I managed to book a nice little apartment in a student hostel, which is a bit away from the University. Now that the curiosity about the new school has subsided, I'm all into getting to know more about the hostel. And guess what I found out? The hostel campus I'll be moving into used to be the Army barracks a long time back! It scared the bejeezus out of me! But on second thoughts, Gawd, I get to live in a place seeped in history. How cool is that! I just hope to God that there are no gathi kittaa prethams around there! especially since my German isn't that great. Shucks! I shouldn't have skipped that many lectures during the Deutsche course. :/ whatevs!

I love Diwali. I hope you love celebrating yours too. 
It's a belated wish, but here's a shout out to the world for a bright, colorful, sparkling, sweet time!

Much love!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Life is slippery, we all need a loving hand to hold onto

-said H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A pretty boy I knew more than a decade and a half back, died a sad silent death some days back. They found him days later. It was in the newspapers the other day. The newsreaders comment, judge, draw conclusions. He's just a part of some statistics for them.


He was a nice little boy, you know. Pretty, Chivalrous, Sensitive and Kind. But somehow, I mostly remember picking up senseless arguments with him for no reason, none that I can recollect now. What I do remember is of him sporting his playful smile soon after. He was an easy going chap, that way.

He deserved better. Such a slippery thing, Life.

Rest in Peace, Franklin Mendez.

The song in my head right now is this.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

spoilt for choice

One Sunday evening:

Battle of the year, South East Asia 2012 International BBoying Championship finals in the Open Air Theatre.

A belated Onam Sadya from the campus Kerala Kala Samithi at the Student Activity Centre.

The campus Design club's meet on freelancing in the Himlaya Lawns.

One thoroughly confused woman who feels like a little girl in a candy shop o_O

68 days since I stepped out of the forest campus.
I am dead busy, dead tired, but feel more alive than ever.
Life is good.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I'm in love. like, totally!

Watched two movies back to back last afternoon. Worked on a paper, a presentation and two cases before hitting the bed at 1 a.m. Was woken up by the alarm at 5 a.m. Studied for a quiz on day 0, attended lectures, hogged on fast food with great company, caught up with my good ol' folks over the phone, got back and completed another assignment, skyped the sis and giggled over good old jokes and hot gossip, watched another movie, went for a midnight cuppa Madras kaapi at Tifany with a good friend, and on with another movie now before calling it a day. And what a day! I'm so totally in love with my life right now. err.. if only the mosquitoes didn't waft in through the balcony along with the moonlight. :/ kosu tholla thaanga mudiyala! PS: I'm in love with Madras too, and Thamizh and Mallippoo and all the ancient banyan trees around with their freaky split personality syndrome.. well, sans the kosu, of course.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Green Grass, Clear Sky, Passing Clouds, Breezy Drizzle, Sudden Rain

I lay my head down in the green grass and look up at the clear sky. The meadows are just too inviting and the weather is beautiful late in the evening. The Bangkok skyline, so calm and clear, in spite of the jazzy play of colors on the helipads above.

And then the white clouds waltz their way into the clear skies with a light breezy drizzle. Before I know the skies are full of them white clouds and it's raining cats and dogs. 

Fast. Just like Bangkok. Beautiful. Just like Bangkok.

The song playing in my head is this.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Bangalore: Third innings

It's been a month now since I came down to Bangalore, for precisely 8 weeks, thanks to what they call the internship stunt in the byeeg byaad embeeyay circus. By the 1st week, I had made up my mind that it's time to put an end to my 8 year old love affair with this city. It had lost its charm on me. The magic just stopped working.

Bangalore sure feels different when you are vehicle-less, home-less and job-less. And the internship program was structured such that I had to travel the length and breadth of the city and its outskirts. Great! and my golden chariot is all bundled up happily back at home! Aren't faithful vehicles supposed to be by your side when you need them the most? 'faithfulness' naam ki bhi koi cheez hoti hai! :/

Good old Dan was kind enough to give me some space in her den ("Dan's den", sounds good, eh? Dan, you listening?), but I had to look out for a place equidistant (yeah, I'm using such words these days, thanks to an unexpected bout of Sheldon Cooper flu :S ) from most of the places I might be required to travel. And so, I zeroed in on Koramangala, to be my new abode for a month. Koramangala, I like. It's like a mini city in itself. It's Mains and Crosses ( If you are feeling mean, tell any Bangalorewasi some random nth Cross and mth Main and see them go red and mad, just like that! It's a very powerful thing, mind you, the 'Mains and Crosses'. It's like paying snake and ladder, you know.. you climb and climb and then you are swallowed by a snake and you are back to the same main and cross you started from.. but yet, you are not at the same place you started from. It's definitely not for the weak at heart! ), its numerous food joints, endless places to hang out at and a totally safe place to get lost in. At any point of time, if you feel you are totally lost, you just have to ask someone the direction to Forum. That, everybody knows, and once you've got it, you've got your co-ordinates sorted. It's that simple. So I looked around n number of PG's (Paying Guest accommodation, for you stuck up spoilt people), and was appalled by the state of the apparently comfortable living conditions for executives that they promise to offer. The thing is, people are ready to pay obnoxious amount of money to live in these rat holes.. why don't they say 'No'? Why do they agree to it? I have no clue. By the end of one tiring day, which was more of a physical and mental endurance test for me, I came out with flying colors.. Thankyou, thankyou! :)

And I was so pleased with myself, and so missing home that I packed my bags and got myself the 1st flight home. Home, after 1 long year. Sweet. 5 days which flew so fast, still managed to live it up royally.

And, back to Bangalore. This time though, things are all working out brilliantly. I'm having a ball of a time with this internship, doing everything that I had always wanted to do, finding new areas of interest and realizing it's very similar to what I've always wanted to do, acknowledgement, appreciation, a sense of purpose. Icing on the cake was the results of the comprehensive viva, which kinda marks the successful completion of the 1st year at school. I'm elated.

And just like that, one fine morning, my dear friend Prajna became my fairy godmother and gave me wings! She lent me her Scooty, who is an absolute darling. We made friends from the word Go!

The PG is an interesting place. Its a bunch of interesting people, boring people, weird people, lovely people, crazy people.. I even made friends with a 20 year old lovely little girl with whom I watch the Big Bang Theory, laugh out loud and play Sheldon Cooper the rest of the time. It's good getting to know new people every other day. And the place is nice, warm and cozy. Just right. Last weekend, I woke up with a beeg smile and found myself saying "I'm lovin' it!", and walked up to their nearest outlet and helped myself to one humongous unhealthy meal just to pay my respect to the great guy Ronald McD for that revolutionary phrase.

The foodie in me is super delighted. I'm spoilt for choices. Thoroughly. So much so that I go eat out new places daily, made a rule that I am not going to go the same place again no matter how great the food is, and then go bend the rule and tell myself getting something different from the same place is still okay..

My favoritest temple in the whole of Bangalore is very near to where I live, so I go there very often to say a hi to my dearest Ganpati. And what's more, the prasad there is yummy too. ;) The climate is at its best and I feel lucky when friends back in Chennai tell me about how the city is busy roasting them. But still I miss Chennai in my own way. I miss my 7X7 room, the beautiful campus and a motley bunch of lovely people I made friends with there. All through the last year, I was looking forward to getting out of there and now I know I'm going to miss it when it's over. I'm going to miss Bangalore too when I move out after 3 more weeks.

Today, I was just remembering what was running through my mind a year back. A sense of cluelessness, taking baby steps and learning to walk again, unsure of where the path will lead me or whether there's a path at all. And the song that is running in my head right now is this. All I had to do, was start walking..

Friday, May 11, 2012

Vulnerability - how does that make you feel?

I'm emotionally secure. Much more than the regular people I know. That's what I believe. and I take pride in that. I'm immune to quite a handful of emotional needs which people generally believe every human being craves for. And if something still affects me, I make it my mission to immunize myself from it. The effort is more at a subconscious level. But the idea that drives it, is the assumption that the extent to which I let my emotions affect me, makes me all the more weak. I dunno where I picked this logic from, but it stuck to me.

Vulnerability. The word always held a negative connotation. It's for the weaklings. It's not for me. What good could come out of being vulnerable?

What's my definition of vulnerability? Expose, may be?
To expose something.
To be exposed to something.

What makes us shy away from being 'out there'?
How much do we protect ourselves? and from what? Are we also cheating ourselves from things we are worthy of, by being overprotective of our own selves?

 This video got me thinking.. It's a new perspective.. 

It got me wondering.. If I'm uncomfortable about being vulnerable, then that should make me emotionally less secure, right? Now how do I beat that?!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Student life ver:2

It's kinda funny. The whole student life thingie, I mean. You get back to school after one long decade and realize that some things never change. It's more of a rehash.
You palpitate before the numerous surprise quizzes,
hyperventilate before the never ending term exams,
cross your fingers before checking your grades,
count the # of months to get out the place, well.. the regular drill..

and then there are these new fun experiences you run into..
like headbanging like crazy at your first Rock show experience,
having some random 20 yr old kid hit on you at the rock show,
hang out till late with the girls at the night canteen hogging on 'subsidized' student food,
digging into (again) subsidized Choc-hola at the CCD inside the campus,
getting to wear all your fun clothes, without wondering about its 'appropriateness',
getting exhilarated at those 'S' grades,
and cursing at those bleddy 'C' grades reserved for Finance papers,
making friends with a bunch of kids 10 years younger,
keeping the yembeeyay population at an arm's distance.. (trust me, that is a very interesting breed of people strictly from a safe distance.. well most of them),
interacting with the doctorate students n getting all inspired by their focus and motivation (which I find interesting, as I always thought of the Ph.D. population as a bunch of loonies)
smirking at those prematurely middle aged looking, potbelly sporting, balding kids who call me Di/Ji/Chechi or whateva!
being really really mean to the super mean fellow student population (I'm starting to love this!) it's like you can justify being mean to them. and it's so much fun unleashing all those meanness on to them.. it's a fun game I never got a chance to actually enjoy. (Highly recommended!) Infact, it is unavoidable when you have n # of group assignments to do with all kind of assorted ######. (wha? I mean super interesting, super awesome people, I just couldn't find the right word to describe all that awesomeness),
the cramming sessions the day before the exams (I'm learning to appreciate my memory a bit more these days), changing study locations so often that people here started calling me 'Omnipresent', I'm here, there, everywhere!,
creating a little world of my own inside a 7X7 hostel room,
the daily fights for survival with the monkey population in the hostel campus (no kidding! it's a losing battle, I predict. What with their uncontrolled craze with baby-making. They 'do it' anytime anywhere! rama rama!)
the daily skype-ing sessions with the folks,
bitching about all the mishaps and idiots you dealt with, through the day
laughing heartily at the daily fun stuff,
not having time to worry about anything,
falling asleep as soon as you hit the bed (well facilitated by a midnight bath and loads of Johnson's baby powder),