Changeovers are bittersweet. Almost always. The thing with them is you barely know how bitter or how sweet they are going to be. You always expect that element of surprise right around the corner, but you'd never know whether you'd be happy meeting them or not.
And so, when I made up my mind on getting back to school, I could never know whether it is going to be like the old times.. like I could just pick up the thread from where I left it long back and get on with life.. or mebbe, just mebbe, it's gonna be a brand new experience? The former thought was comforting but boring, and the latter made me a little too anxious but excited nonetheless.
Day 1 of my life at school put all those thoughts to rest. Totally. It was nothing like what I could have ever imagined. It was much more challenging, and it hit me hard. Real hard. Every passing day would take me out of my comfort zone, bit by bit.. until one day I found myself totally out of it. Totally. The last time I was in that place, I got myself hurt real bad. And so I was scared. I wanted to be out of there soon. Come what may. But I am not exactly proud of the last time I did something like that. So the only way to deal with it, was to deal with it. Period.
It's been 135 days of life as a student again. I'm quarter way through the programme and I can see myself heading towards the finishing line in another year and a half. And yeah, it's been bittersweet, no doubts. Just that everyday it becomes a bit less bitter and a bit more sweet. So no complaints. :)
The most beautiful thing about this changeover is that it's not just a change of scene in life. I see myself change as a person. I'm finding weaknesses in me, and addressing them one at a time. Some I fix, some I know I will fix. Sometimes I find strengths in me which I never knew existed.. which pumps me up a bit more to go fix some more weaknesses. It's kinda interesting. It's like meeting yourself from time to time n saying "Oh hello! nice to meet you. you've changed quite a lot since the last time we met, and I'm glad you did!" :)