Sunday, June 14, 2009

whose land is it, anyway?

Some Maharashtrians are totally cross with the bhaiyas. "So what if you too contributed to making the place what it is? Now that all's well, and Mumbai's become the land of opportunities, we'd like to thank you for your services, and ask you to vacate the premises ASAP. Oh yeah, we know to push and shove too, if need be."

Someplace else, a bunch (very small -thankfully!) of Kannadigas feel they've been shortchanged too."We need to reclaim our Bengaluru", they say.
A young educated lady, who's come back from Pune to Bengaluru, and works for an US based MNC (notice the irony) spits fire at a meek Malayalee salesman at a grocery store in Madiwala. "How could you work in a shop in Karnataka, and say that you don't speak Kannada? If you want to talk in Malayalam, go to Kerala and do business, okay?". And she triumphantly describes her valiance to her Mallu colleague who smirks, scheming in her little evil mind, about posting this interesting piece of acidic office banter at her blog. ;) (*)

Meanwhile, there's this bunch of woeful men in Mangalore, busy deciding and designing the new spring summer collection of women's wear for the Indian Woman of 2010. They kick started their ad campaign, rather fashionably at a local pub. And if media reports are to be believed, women all over India are so ecstatic about it, that they've been showering the team with their choicest pink under wears, and lending a lot of support with their handpicked caustic words. Latest on that was that they are busy recruiting designers from the best Fashion schools across India. The company somehow is untraceable after the Elections though (not-so-surprisingly).

At the other end of the spectrum, some enlightened people have made up their silly li'l minds, that fighting over religion is so passe. It's so 20th century-ish, you know. Welcome to the 21st century, we fight in the name of castes. Its so much more fun. For starters, we have more number of castes in the country, as against religions. And then, to add more fun to it, we also have divisions on the basis of languages, states, political parties, and sometimes, for the heck of it, we even do subdivisions in all these, just for the sake of variety. We're a very colorful bunch of people, you see.

In separate events across the country, religious leaders have started noticing a new worry line on their foreheads (God save their foreheads!). They are just realising that they've overlooked something while they were busy fighting with other religions and sorting out those petty caste fights within. This, now, has led to the outbreak of new hybrid sects like 'Hindu-Christian', 'Muslim-Brahmin', 'Parsi-Sikh', 'Bengali-Punjabi', 'Bihari-Maharashtrian', and some other more innovative combinations.
This implies that there will be new interesting sects to fight with.. which of course, is exciting them to bits. However, the low side is that these combo names are all so confusing (and tasteless too. -they maintain), and secondly, the followers of these sects are such dimwits, they don't even like fighting!
"I mean.. what's the fun!! What if all the pure breds convert to these hideous combo religions! What will that bring us to? The whole country will become so boring without religious and caste feuds, which incidentally happens to be our main source of entertainment besides cricket and politics, of course."

But hey, in case you are wondering whether we do feel like a country, like ONE, ever, then yeah!! what were you thinking of us? We feel proud when our national anthem rings, when we witness the Wagah border parade, while we do those candle light vigilance acts and... uhmm.. and.. err.. etc, etc. you know..

Remember our show of strength irrespective of political standings, region or religion, while we displayed our majority disgust against possibility of a woman of Italian descent's ascent to the Prime Ministryship of India?

No No. Don't you take us for some narrow minded, prejudiced bunch of people. We do get selectively broadminded too, like when someone of Indian descent becomes the Prime Minister of Fiji or the Governor of a US state. See?

So you see, we don't always discriminate in terms of caste and creed and region. Especially when someone from here, wins an Oscar award, he's no longer a Muslim or Tamilian or Malayalee. He's an Indian. You follow?

Now, we don't understand why the new US president is so rest-of-the-world unfriendly when it comes to letting us, smart outsiders work in their country(**). And now there's Australia which bashes up our people. We dont understand what's happening to the world! Why are they so intolerant? Why isn't their government doing anything? I mean, why are the people so unfriendly afterall?

And that too, to us, Indians of all the lot. We, the most tolerant people of all (specifically when we are outside our country). Rather, you should be thankful, we are gracing your country with our esteemed presence. You understand? We, who have actually invented and practiced the art of Racism, since time immemorial. You might find it amusing to know that our country's whole social structure was based solely on Racism. Now you know! We think it's high time we get "Racism" patented, before you guys get it also done like that infamous Basmati rice patent. Huff!

(*)Mostly, the original inhabitants of these cities are refreshingly cosmopolitan, which really helped the cities grow into what they are now. The people who have issues now, are mostly people from within the State, but outside the city, who are desperately putting up an effort to reclaim it, without realising that the city has long outgrown it's status of being just another State constituency.

(**) I wish he had better insight to realise that in a world which is truly globalised now, it is not practical wisdom to try and implement such a short-sighted approach.