Thursday, April 10, 2008

bespectacled

I've been seeing 'one two ka four' since sometime now. Friends were advising me that it could be the short sight thingie or even due to some big-time stress.

A few days back, my sis called me out to the balcony to show me this spectacular looking full Moon, and all I could say was that 'I see two Moon?' . My already bespectacled sis gave me a bear hug and screamed 'Welcome to the gang!'.

The grinmonster girl announced that it's a sign of falling in love(!) She had asked one more question to ascertain her postulate. 'Do you like dahi vada?' Irrespective of whether my answer was in positive or negative, she concluded that's it!

My eyesight's been getting worse to such an extent that I couldn't really see if the people I come across at the hallway are actually smiling at me. I find myself responding alright to explicit Hi's.. you know the 'wave-your-hand-and-say-hi types'.. Mostly I catch a fading out smile (due to no response from my end), when they get into my visibility range.. real bad! n also, I was literally petrified by Suni who managed to psyche me out with her 'it gets worse with every passing day' statement.

To cross-check the myopia angle, I even tried my cube neighbor's specs for short sight and everything seemed to look crystal clear.. which got me all excited about wearing a pair of specs like the rest of my folks.

Back home on my vacation, the first thing Mummy did was to send me off to an eye specialist (whom her supposedly better informed colleague friends unanimously recommended). So, off I went to this place where they made me read their ABCDs and 1234s, which to my surprise could all be actually recognized well, albeit the blur, which I had got used to, by then..

There was another very elderly lady who seemed to have the same symptoms as me. Only, she couldn't read. So they had this interesting looking slide with an 'E' facing different directions and the lady was supposed to tell them which side it's facing. The poor soul was thoroughly petrified by the assistant, and she ended up meekly saying a 'Left-Right-Up-Down' in a loop. You know how it is.. times like this when you wish you could help them in some way, but you simply cannot think of how.

With the doc, it was my usual conversation.
Me: My vision's getting all blurred these days. Gets worse with soft diffused light.. especially indoors?
Miss Doc: mmhmm.. you feel blurred? what else do you feel like? *smirk*
Me: (thinking) oh nyo!! not again!
(trying technique 2*, with a serious tone)Seriously, I think it could be short sight?
Miss Doc: *a li'l more obvious smirk* It would've shown up in you report if that be the case.

Directs her assistant to dilate my eyes and do the test again => Another painfully boring hour there with closed eyes, while I try and listen to imaginary tracks of Bon Jovi.. I guess I might've got carried away with those (imaginary) tracks and started humming along or mebbe played an imaginary guitar or even drums, because when I was finally asked to open my eyes, Papa was not anywhere around!

After enduring all that for the sake of my eyesight, I was again told that I'm perfectly alright. She must've made a mental note of her real diagnosis that I must be one of her hyper patients who could be cured with a list of unearthly priced medicines, because that's what she finally did to me.

I thought of getting another checkup done at the opticians where I was planning to get an anti-reflective coated lens, and lo, I am diagnosed -0.5D myopic.

By now my excitement had almost faded out into a sense of being handicapped, because this time the ABCD chart was farther and smaller and I could barely figure out the letters.

So I decided to go for my No.1 cure when I feel low, which is 'Shopping' as always. Only this time I had to shop for a frame for my eyeglasses. I've always wanted to wear a pair of specs which would make me look serious, you know.. I have a theory that people with huge studious lens are taken more seriously at office. Or you ought to be a body builder, which is almost equally effective if not more.I almost had that salesman at the opticians tearing his hair out, while I tried on every serious looking pair of frames and asked him: 'do I look more serious with this one on, or that?'.

I'm a smart shopper. I sometimes google beforehand. and I knew which kind of frame will have the impact I'm looking for. It's called cat-eye glass. But that doesn't help much when the salesman is not so google savvy. I had to explain it graphically to finally find my pair of glasses and then I asked him: 'Do I look like a retarded cousin of Spiderman, with this on?'. He did not respond.

I decided it was enough salesman harassment for the day to get me out of my blues.

I gleefully post my pic with my new pair of specs on orkut, and a friend calls up to inquire why I'm suddenly looking so 'behenji' types! :-/

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*technique2: I usually go to any Doc with a pre-diagnosis. It's like I walk up to the Doc and tell him that I think I've got throat infection for the first time, and he asks me back with raised eyebrows :'So, madam, what are the symptoms of throat infection, if I may ask?'
I know it doesn't go down well with the Docs, and hence it is technique '2'.
These days, it's used only as a desperate measure when the diagnosis isn't going anywhere in the direction of what was expected (by me). -which is usually the case.

7 comments:

  1. hahahaha... hey btw it is just one 'haha' ..its your double vision that you see it twice.

    welcome to th club..from another senior long time spectacles user!;-P

    infact am so used to reading those letter charts that..as a kid during visit to the doc..i would say..'I can read the Z X P and Q..but the R S E and V are not clear..doc take my word this time increase it by 0.5!' well the doc was sensible enough to stand it.

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  2. ha.ha.ha. now i'm smart enough to wear my spectacles while i read blog comments, you see! :)

    btw, in 10 days flat after getting my 1st pair of specs, I already feel like getting a better 'powered' glass for my left eye. is that a normal? :|

    hey, and thanks for that 'welcome'.
    i've soo wanted to be a part of this club!!

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  3. Matthew stole my joke :-( i wanted to write ha ha ha ha and then say they are only 2 of them :-). I guess IQ of all spectacaled guys has reached saturation levels lol !

    BTW ! yah ! join the gang, and belive me i am a veteran here ! i have been wearing glasses since i was in the 4th standard, and i had a hoorifying experince at the doctors.. gawd knows why i was so nervous, as he kept chaning those glasses at such a fast speed and kept shooting " read first line " now secind line" " last line" etc.. lol i lost it and started crying, he thought i am from a non-english teaching school :-) he he my dad rushed me out of there ! before we could get further insulted :-)

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  4. That that was was so so funny!! funny!! Lol! Lol!

    ;) ;)

    Btw, do they still dilate your eyes to check them?? :O That news to Duh-old me. I went through that horror when once when I was in school. *shudder* I couldn't see properly for hours!

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  5. @santosh: ha. ha. to you too. :D
    i know, i've been to such an event with my sis once, when we were kids.. i felt so helpless being there, seeing her struggle to read the obvious. i had vowed not to go in there again!! but..

    @macadamia girl: hey thanks!
    know what, i don't mind reading such nice things twice!! heh heh..

    ok, so they don't do it by default, anymore. it's just that in the 1st doc's case, she couldn't find anything wrong with my eyes, so she made me go through all that just for the fun of it, mebbe.. sadist her..why do they make docs like that?!

    infact my sis reacted the same way you did, when she heard that.. she even called up mom and gave her an earful for sending the poor me to such a place!

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  6. ;)

    Ohh, ok! Poor you! It must've been crazy! I remember hating the fact that they left me alone in some room and I couldn't see anyone or anything for what felt like forever :D

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  7. yeah, that's true.. n somtime in b/w, they just stopped by, put more of those eye-drops n asked me to keep my eyes closed again!

    the only gud thing was that I went there late in the evening.. so I just had to jump into my bed after getting back home.

    but say what we may, this was nothing as compared to the hellish night I had during my 1st year in college n hostel, after I did some heavy duty welding without the eyegear, during our mechanical labs. That day, I was so happy with my work, that I volunteered to do it for my friend too!
    whoever said you get blessed for helping people!! :P

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