Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The ubersexual Indian male has arrived! *drumrolls, please*

Yes, and yours truly just bumped into a handful of the species a few minutes back.
I'm yet to recover from the (not so pleasant) shock.

The venue was a Skin Care clinic organized at the workplace, setup by a Cosmetic Company, whose marketing folks definitely know how to push their products.

Initially, I did not want to go for it, as I was sure they're going to tell me some really awful things, and I'll have to go on another shopping spree to get over that.
Not happening! :|

But I just bumped into this lady who heads the HR team here.. and you know the HR folks.. To cut the story short, I ended up promising her, I'll go check that out!
Back at my desk, my cube mate pulled me along to the venue. The deal was a warm cup of coffee, which I so badly needed after that chat with the HR lady.

So what do we get to see when we reach there?
A waiting queue of 6 men.. yes, you heard it right! and not a single woman around!
We check with the girl at the registration counter outside.
'Are you sure this isn't the queue for booking those IPL tickets they were giving away??'
No, we are apparently at the right place.. Only, it doesn't feel like it!

6 guys in waiting. We meekly pull two chairs after theirs and wait for our turn.
Another person at the registration counter. Guy no.7 walks in, grabs a chair, squeezes it between ours and Guy 6 and nicely perches himself on it.. legs crossed and runs his fingers through his well gelled hair.. checks that the 4 strands of hair on his forehead is set well at 45 degree angle, alright.

ok, then there's someone else walking in.. we look out in anticipation.. another guy.. duh!
By now, my cube-mate n me sit there feeling.. well... quite out-of-place, to say the least..
Guy 8 sashays in, grabs the extra chair outside the checkup counter and carries it towards the end of the queue..
We tell ourselves.. 'Thank Goodness, for atleast he isn't the typical Indian ubersexual 'queue-jumping' man! and lo, he stops right there where Guy 7 is, places his chair there, out of the queue and lands himself on that. Eagerly ganging up with the rest of the boys and getting himself involved in the interesting conversation with his "oh really?"s and "yeah, exactly"s

I mean, where on Earth do you come across guys like this who love to be in a herd, sit together, share their concerns about blackheads, and talk about exfoliating creams and skin toners.. duh!
And we thought you were concerned only about Cars and the Stock Exchange and Cricket!

I tell my friend this doesn't seem anymore to be a good deal for a coffee..

I was already feeling giddy, and thought of excusing myself from there before the men start talking about threading their eyebrows and waxing their torsos!
I mean, of all the people, I never knew the nerdy looking techie guys are into all these, big time! u know!

Seriously people, we are ok with u as long as you have clean nails, wear washed clothes, know to eat your food without having it fly out through your teeth and yeah, use a deodorant.. that's quite something already, no?

Say what we might, we really do like gentlemen who hold the door for us (I cant believe I'm saying this.. As a Rebel-cum-Tomboy just out of school, I used to think it's a guys' way of degrading the girls!), or say 'ladies first' (in a nice way, you know.. not when you are going for your focal reviews /appraisals or awful things like that )

Back at my domain, I found myself discussing the misadventure with many a girl-friends.
Me: Hey girl.. you know what happened today...blah blah blah blah.. can you believe that??
Friend: oh yeah, guys these days are becoming like this re.. kya hoga humara! yahan pe bhi competition? hadd hoti he yaar..
Me: know what, S even asked Venugopalakrishnan Venkatachalapathy, what he's doing there?!
Friend: WHAT? that thair saadam guy, you are talking about?? he was there too?
Me: yes, re!
Friend: oh no, re!! I can't believe it!! and.. and what did he say?
Me: he said, 'Even we've got skin, you know!'
Friend: heh?
Me: hmmph..
Friend: hmm..

Coming to think of it.. I realise that there was something weird about the way we were viewing these guys.. rather scanning them from top to toe..
It's a familiar feel but in an eerie way.. Why, I know it! I've been at the receiving end of those piercing, disapproving looks many a times!
Around 2 decades back, when I used to turn up in a pair of jeans..
A decade and a half back, when I used to ride a scooterette to College.. and many more such incidents which used to get me these weird looks of 'just, what exactly is she trying to prove?'
It's the same look.Only, I am at the other side of the table now..

We used to call them MCPs then. And I'm wondering what are WE turning into, now? FCPs? :-/

Thursday, April 10, 2008


I've been seeing 'one two ka four' since sometime now. Friends were advising me that it could be the short sight thingie or even due to some big-time stress.

A few days back, my sis called me out to the balcony to show me this spectacular looking full Moon, and all I could say was that 'I see two Moon?' . My already bespectacled sis gave me a bear hug and screamed 'Welcome to the gang!'.

The grinmonster girl announced that it's a sign of falling in love(!) She had asked one more question to ascertain her postulate. 'Do you like dahi vada?' Irrespective of whether my answer was in positive or negative, she concluded that's it!

My eyesight's been getting worse to such an extent that I couldn't really see if the people I come across at the hallway are actually smiling at me. I find myself responding alright to explicit Hi's.. you know the 'wave-your-hand-and-say-hi types'.. Mostly I catch a fading out smile (due to no response from my end), when they get into my visibility range.. real bad! n also, I was literally petrified by Suni who managed to psyche me out with her 'it gets worse with every passing day' statement.

To cross-check the myopia angle, I even tried my cube neighbor's specs for short sight and everything seemed to look crystal clear.. which got me all excited about wearing a pair of specs like the rest of my folks.

Back home on my vacation, the first thing Mummy did was to send me off to an eye specialist (whom her supposedly better informed colleague friends unanimously recommended). So, off I went to this place where they made me read their ABCDs and 1234s, which to my surprise could all be actually recognized well, albeit the blur, which I had got used to, by then..

There was another very elderly lady who seemed to have the same symptoms as me. Only, she couldn't read. So they had this interesting looking slide with an 'E' facing different directions and the lady was supposed to tell them which side it's facing. The poor soul was thoroughly petrified by the assistant, and she ended up meekly saying a 'Left-Right-Up-Down' in a loop. You know how it is.. times like this when you wish you could help them in some way, but you simply cannot think of how.

With the doc, it was my usual conversation.
Me: My vision's getting all blurred these days. Gets worse with soft diffused light.. especially indoors?
Miss Doc: mmhmm.. you feel blurred? what else do you feel like? *smirk*
Me: (thinking) oh nyo!! not again!
(trying technique 2*, with a serious tone)Seriously, I think it could be short sight?
Miss Doc: *a li'l more obvious smirk* It would've shown up in you report if that be the case.

Directs her assistant to dilate my eyes and do the test again => Another painfully boring hour there with closed eyes, while I try and listen to imaginary tracks of Bon Jovi.. I guess I might've got carried away with those (imaginary) tracks and started humming along or mebbe played an imaginary guitar or even drums, because when I was finally asked to open my eyes, Papa was not anywhere around!

After enduring all that for the sake of my eyesight, I was again told that I'm perfectly alright. She must've made a mental note of her real diagnosis that I must be one of her hyper patients who could be cured with a list of unearthly priced medicines, because that's what she finally did to me.

I thought of getting another checkup done at the opticians where I was planning to get an anti-reflective coated lens, and lo, I am diagnosed -0.5D myopic.

By now my excitement had almost faded out into a sense of being handicapped, because this time the ABCD chart was farther and smaller and I could barely figure out the letters.

So I decided to go for my No.1 cure when I feel low, which is 'Shopping' as always. Only this time I had to shop for a frame for my eyeglasses. I've always wanted to wear a pair of specs which would make me look serious, you know.. I have a theory that people with huge studious lens are taken more seriously at office. Or you ought to be a body builder, which is almost equally effective if not more.I almost had that salesman at the opticians tearing his hair out, while I tried on every serious looking pair of frames and asked him: 'do I look more serious with this one on, or that?'.

I'm a smart shopper. I sometimes google beforehand. and I knew which kind of frame will have the impact I'm looking for. It's called cat-eye glass. But that doesn't help much when the salesman is not so google savvy. I had to explain it graphically to finally find my pair of glasses and then I asked him: 'Do I look like a retarded cousin of Spiderman, with this on?'. He did not respond.

I decided it was enough salesman harassment for the day to get me out of my blues.

I gleefully post my pic with my new pair of specs on orkut, and a friend calls up to inquire why I'm suddenly looking so 'behenji' types! :-/


*technique2: I usually go to any Doc with a pre-diagnosis. It's like I walk up to the Doc and tell him that I think I've got throat infection for the first time, and he asks me back with raised eyebrows :'So, madam, what are the symptoms of throat infection, if I may ask?'
I know it doesn't go down well with the Docs, and hence it is technique '2'.
These days, it's used only as a desperate measure when the diagnosis isn't going anywhere in the direction of what was expected (by me). -which is usually the case.