Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I feel autumn

Yes, that pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now.. I feel like that lone twig which is still holding on to its droopy leaves, while all the twigs around are shedding their leaves and getting ready for Spring.

Almost every other friend is either switching jobs, going back to school, coming back home, flying away from home or moving in to a new city.

BujiSuni left last week and it's the Grinmonster girl's turn this week to pack her bagful of grins+charms and leave. I'll be missing you girls terribly and all our gupshups and cribbing over lunches and coffees.

G is back in town and it amuses me how easy he sounds about re-locating a couple of times in just a few months. Kiddie Singh and KM just left good old Quark for good. They have been among my last few friends who had made up their minds to stay back there till doomsday. KM's come down to Bangalore and his chronicles here remind me of my initial days in Mohali. Facing the culture divide and finding a home in a seemingly alien land, and to leave all that one fine morning, to take back home only a bunch of sweet memories and cherished friendships. It's been almost a couple of years now since I've been missing that kind of adventure in life. And now I can see how much the nomad in me has been missing all that!

Impermanence, though bittersweet, has always been a necessity for me and almost the only constant in life, all this while. Today, it beats me to realize that I've grown more or less complacent over the past couple of years. Wait, not complacent, I must be trying to fool myself if I say that. The fact is, I really feel stagnant.. which is sad..

The threatening-to-rain-anytime-now climate is not helping either.

This might all have to do with the fact that I'm missing Amoomma (Daadi) a lot lately. I always used to tug along her whenever we went to the Church in Chennai. And there at her Funeral Mass, when I turned to my side to wish peace, I almost half-expected to find her smiling face greet me. Some of these days saw me getting way too hypersensitive n paranoid about a lot many things. And to add up to the woes of seeing another death and a couple of heart attacks and strokes in the extended family. Life really is too short, isn't it?

On the up side, Dimples is coming back to India for good. Though it's yet to be seen how long she stays back. Planning to catch up with her and good old Kochi sometime soon. Hopefully, we should be able to realize all those backpacking plans we've been making over e-mails and phone calls all this while.

The only thought that makes me smile now is of my 2 weeks vacation to Home. I should be home by this weekend if all goes well. Lemme go pack my bags! Buhbyes, folks!

2 comments:

  1. *Hugs*
    Losing someone special.. can one ever really get over it?

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  2. hmm.. it's always this way with grandparents. you know this will be happening someday.. but still there is a huge void when that happens.. and if you were not actually living with them, it becomes tough to accept the fact that they are no longer around. you are somehow convinced that they are still in their ancestral homes where you used to go for vacations.. they are still resting on their recliners in the verandah, looking at the people passing by and wondering 'yeah why, my grand daughter would've grown up just as tall as the girl who crossed the road.. it must be time for her to get back home from work too..' ah, it's really saddening.. i prefer to believe that she's still there.

    thanks for stopping by, girl..
    and thanks a ton for those kind words.

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